Self-Realization Numero Uno

Salaam...

All of my life.. Where have you been.. I wonder if I've ever see you again..??

Have anyone ever told you that 'truth hurts'? Well, I've been trying to seek the truth, the truth about myself. Been living for almost 30 years, and just realized that there are still so many things about myself that I don't know. I don't care how hurt it is, I really need to find the truth, everything about me, about a person who was born to a decent Melanau couple residing by the Miri River in a place called Kampung Wireless (gila macho nama kampung aku!! ha ha!!.. korang sume baru tau wireless sekarang.. aku dah lama tau!! ha ha!! riak kejap.. astaghfirullah)

Well I just learned something new about myself. About how people really see me from the outside. You know how some people can easily misinterpreted our gesture for something else? To make matter worse, when they misinterpreted it as something totally opposite from our intentions? I have just realized this, and never even know that somebody that was so close to me were thinking of it that way. It hurt, a bit, but at the same time, I am accepting it with an open heart, and an open mind. At least now I know, that I cannot and should not make any assumption of what people think of me. Not that I care, but would be nice to know what other people really are thinking, especially if that someone really dear to us.

Well, I guess that's one of the reason why communications are so very important in a relationship. But again, I just found some other interesting facts. Talking to each other doesn't really justify that your communications really is good. If you and your partner are not really saying what you really feel inside your heart, and inside your head, then it doesn't mean a thing. If you or your partner are holding back some vital information, about each other's feelings especially, then I can assure you that no matter what you do, or what your partner do, you won't be able to see the beauty or the true intentions. Well, that's the tell tale sign that the relationship is going to go south!! Guess, that's what happened between Gadis and Randu at first. But again, they were not really communicating anyway!! HA HA!! pesai plak aku gi recap Tentang Dia ni?? hampeh!!

What's the remedy? Guess, really have to dig it out of your partner. Let her tell you what she really feels. Cam aku cakap ngan kawan aku sorang ni, nak layan ompuan ni or to get something out from their chest.. i mean their heart.. kena pandai nak tolak dan ansur. Cam main layang2 or tangkap ikan lee. Kena tarik sikit2.. then lepas kan balik.. then repeated a few times, sampai hati dan jiwa awek tu rasa dia bley nak meluahkan apa yang terbuku di fikiran dan di hati nya.

I've been assuming something wrong for how many years, and hence it affected the way I treated her. Now I've realized it, and now it has answered all my curiosity. Now I really am back to square one. It's true what wise people say; The more things you know, they will be plenty more things you don't know. It's like, every 1 new thing you discovered, or learned, it will come together with 10 other things that you don't know. Pahe dok? Kalau dok pahe, errr... aaaa... nanti lee explain lagik!

So now, I am still in the process of realizing and understanding a person named Asri Baijuri dubbed as Apai among his Tepenerz and happening friends, and I'm pretty sure in doing that, there will be plenty more things that I will soon discover, that I don't even realize it's there!! Ain't life beautiful and wonderful??!!

My second question for this month, although nobody can answer my first question yesterday :

What is Love?! Does it exist? How do you know it does exist? And how does it feel?

Love hurts, Love Scars....

I learn a thing, or two, I learned from you

I really learned a lot, Love is like a flame, it burns you when it's hot.. LOVE HURTS...

Some fools speak of happiness, blissfulness, togetherness